December

the past few weeks have completely flown by. i am finding that my days seem to do that as of late. i am starting to understand what people mean when they talk about blinking their eyes and before they know it years are gone. being that this time of year is my favorite time of year, i find that it is always over before it even begins. i have so many projects to make, foods to bake, and gifts to wrap, i rarely find time to sit and truly appreciate this splendid time of year. i am making a point to do that this year. to soak in the beauty that is Christmas. to wake up each morning with a thankful heart. to praise the Lord for his tiny baby he sent to be born and walk among men in order to save us all.

in the meantime, mine and my husband's best friends welcomed their son into the world two days before Thanksgiving (mom was able to have a natural unmediated labor and i am so flipping proud of her!!) i had been planning on making him a quilt, but wanted it to be really special. while i usually just buy fabric from my local joann's (being that they send me a tremendous amount of coupons), I fell in love with this fabric on etsy and just had to have it. it was so worth every penny i spent on it. we delivered the quilt to the hospital and i think that it was a hit.

fabric stack freshly ripped from the bag

completed quilt

close up

back

back close up

Loudon has been growing like a weed. this past month has been a huge month for us. crawling, pulling up on everything, two bottom teeth, and a whole heck of a lot of personality. he turned 8 months old last week and he is becoming such a little boy.

he loves to lick the sides of the pack in play

funny face

november

the house is quiet. my cup of tea is steaming, and i just devoured a slice of sourdough bread covered in ginger spiced sweet potato butter. i love thanksgiving break. i have found that my capacity to love has grown in the past few weeks. i have slowed down [to the best of my ability] and tried to enjoy the little things. i used to be much better at this, but i am guilty of letting life get me down and out and the beauty of life goes, sadly, unnoticed. perhaps it was my trip to the emergency room a few weeks ago that has been catalyst for this shift in perspective [i had a lovely trip to the emergency room due to an accelerated heart rate.... over 165 which they could not get down...followed with a full blown panic attack.] all is fine, praise the Lord, and as of today my cardiologist said my heart functions beautifully and looks structurally sound. the Lord protected me, my heart and my mind, and i am so thankful for that. since the incident, i do find myself lingering in hugs a little longer and enjoying the sound of giggles more than ever before. prayers of comfort and peace have been filling my prayer journal, both for myself as well as for many dear friends of mine who have said goodbye to precious parents over the past few weeks.

"May the Lord give strength to his people! May the Lord bless his people with peace!" Ps. 29:11

"In peace i will both lie down and sleep; for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety." Ps. 4:8

"This is my comfort in my affliction, that your promise gives me life." Ps. 119:50

"For the Lord comforts Zion; he comforts all her waste places and makes her wilderness like Eden, her desert like the garden of the Lord; joy and gladness will be found in her, thanksgiving and the voice of song." Is. 51:3

"Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted." Matt. 5:4

i love you friends and am praying for such sweet peace and comfort to overwhelm you all. 

we celebrated Loudon's first Halloween a few weeks ago. although we did not go trick or treating, we did have Loudon dress up and help hand out candy [and by help I mean look cute]. 

happy bear

some pictures

picture time.

love this face.

playtime with daddy.

avocado!

all smiles.

love.

life this autumn

i feel as if I always begin each post with an apology; an apology for my lack of communication with you all via blog. i so desire to be a consistant blogger. but desire only gets me so far... apparently it gets me a blog with 0 posts for the mont of October. however, it is autumn, my favorite time of the year, and i am praying it motivates me, blogging speaking (well i am praying it motivates me in cleaning, dishes, crafts, quilting, reading, photography, etc...). so, here i sit, taking it one blogging day at a time and making an effort to share my thoughts on and adventures in life with you all at least once a week, hopefully more.

life has been really sweet lately. the last i posted, we were awaiting our appointment at Emory for Loudon's congenital ptosis. we headed up to Atlanta on that Tuesday night, checked into our hotel (which my in-laws graciously provided for us), and then headed out for dinner in midtown. being that we rarely get up to Atlanta for the night, we decided to celebrate our 4 year anniversary (it was two weeks later) with dinner at the Melting Pot. i am not sure if this was purposeful, but the hostess sat us in a section all to ourselves; therefore Loudon was able to be his usual talkative self without Kendall or i feeling anxious about disturbing others. the meal was delicious, of course, and then we headed back to the hotel for the evening. the following morning we packed up and left the hotel in plently of time to get to Emory, or so I thought. The gps said that we were a mere 6 miles from Emory. Well, a mere 6 miles in Columbus is vastly different than a mere 6 miles in Atlanta. our appointment was at 9:00am and we were supposed to arrive fifteen minutes early for paperwork. we left the hotel at 8:30. 6 miles to go. we would get there in plenty of time. well a mile down the road we spotted a dunkin donuts. i know everyone has an opinion about the best donunts, but lemme just tell me, kendall and i are obbessed with dd (dunkin). how obbessed? well we bought a house that just so happens to be a mile from one and when i was pregnant i would limit how many times a week i could run by on my way to work (maybe that is why i gained 39 pounds). ok sorry for the rabbit trail. anyways, we spotted a dd, figured we still had plenty of time, and i had already started salvating thinking about a pumpkin donut. needless to say, i figured wrong. apparently everyone in decauter was needing to go to the Emory as well. we finally pulled into Emory's campus at 8:59. have you ever been to Emory? thousands of people walking the streets, cars and shuttle buses everywhere, and nearly impossible to read signs among all the construction. after a few wrong turns, asking strangers for help, some yelling within our vehical, and parking at the very top of a very full parking garage, we walked up to the desk (frazzled) to sign in for our appointment. it was 9:15. fifteen minutes after our appointment time and 30 minutes after when we were supposed to arrive. i was worried they would cancel our appointment, being that we were so late, but thankfully they were wonderful and totally understanding. we met with our doctor, Dr. Wojno, and were extremely impressed. he was thorough with explainations and was just an amiable person. basically put, Loudon looks great as far as patients with congenital ptosis. he said that the composations Loudon is making to see, tilting his head back and lifting his eyebrows, is a great thing because Loudon is using both eyes to focus and see things with. their greatest concern is that he will stop trying to use his left eye to see out of, being that it is much droopier than his right, and then develop a lazy eye. in order to monitor this, we will have to meet with the doctors every three to four months. if everything progresses well (he does not develop a lazy eye) he will not have to have surgery until age 3-5. i asked the doctor if he has ever seen any neck or back developmental issues from the constant tilting back and he reassured me that in his 22 years, he has never seen any issues. i asked him how frequently he had seen this condition, he respondly promptly with "one to two cases a day". needless to say, he knows his stuff and that was extremely comforting. we left feeling encouraged and positive. we followed out our trip to Atlanta with lunch at Flip Burger with Kendall's sister. ah-ma-zing...for any of you who have never been. gourmet burgers and a krispy kreme doughnut milkshake, uh, yes please.


Loudon is now 6 and a half months old and is such an incredible little man. i never really imagined how much joy and warmth a child would bring to my heart. we have jumped in to the world of solid food and boy has it been an adventure. while we dabbled in rice cereal for a week, he was really not digging it. a week later we started avocados, and man oh man did he love them. bananas followed, along with apples, peas, carrots, and we are on day 2 of sweet potatoes. i had the best of intentions to make all of his food, then life happened, and by life i mean working 8 plus hours a day and less than 5 hours of sleep a night. while sleep has improved, he still gets a mix of food i mash and organic baby food. two days ago he started wanting the spoon more than the actual food and it has caused a bit of frustration for the both of us (kendall just gave up on it). a large quantity of the food ends up covering his face, his hands, his tray, his bib, his high chair, the spoon is covered, my hands are covered....everywhere. as i am going in with the spoon of food, as quickly as possible, his hands are quicker and intersect the spoon thus the food everything. he then grabs the spoon and puts it in his mouth in order to gnaw on it. when i try to take it from him....tears and screams. oh joy.

i mentioned that sleeping has improved. i am almost scared to type those words; fearing that i will in some way jinx us. oh well- damage done. this week has been wonderful. we have been putting him down between 8 and 8:45 and he has been sleeping until 6 or 6:30. i think i had forgotten what it felt like to sleep for 6 solid hours. i tried to remember the last time i got that many hours....i can't remember (being that i peed every three hours or so every night throughout my pregnancy). i know as soon as teething starts, this joyous time will be over, so i am taking it in and counting every night as a blessing....for they will soon be fading.

well, sorry for the novel. there is so much more. there have been tears shed, there has been lessons learned, there have been verses prayed, there have been dinners with close friends, there have been apples picked, and football games watched. i am blessed.

saturday

life for the past two weeks has been a whirlwind. work is going well. waking up at 5:15 am....well you tell me how you think that is going. the days fly by at work [which i am so thankful for]. Loudon seems to be doing wonderfully with his g-mommy during the days. he has recently fallen in love with his jumper, his walker, and trying to grab anything you are holding in your hand. this past week g-mommy has been at the beach, therefore his aunt KK watched him monday and tuesday. his grandma flew down from Virginia and has spent the remainder of the week with him. while i know she came down mostly to spend time with her grandson, it has been so wonderful having my mother here.

saturday was an interesting day. i am using interesting because i am still uncertain what word truly fits the information we were told. let me start from the beginning.

there is this picture in my mind of a just born baby laying on his mother's chest starting wide-eyes into her eyes. that never happened with Loudon. we would get little peeks every now and then, but he rarely opened his eyes the first few weeks of life. about three weeks old he began opening his eyes more consistently. however, he never seemed to fully open his eyes. we just figured he had little eyes, being that both his father and I have smaller eyes as well. his right eye seemed to open bigger than his left. it never bothered us....we felt it was an endearing physical characteristic. i would be lying if i said i never compared my friend's babies eyes to Loudon. I would think "I wonder when Loudon will really open his eyes wide?"

At his two month appointment our pediatrician took a look at his left eye. he did not seem too concerned, therefore just made a note to check it again at his four month appointment. At his four month appointment our pediatrician explained how he was concerned with Loudon being able to see how of that left eye, being that his eyelid was almost covering his pupil. he referred us to an eye doctor for a second opinion. saturday morning we went to our eye doctor appointment. Loudon was diagnosed with congenital ptosis in both eyes (his left eye is worse than in the right). having never heard of this before, we have spend the day researching [which i love to do...being the librarian that i am]. in a nutshell, congenital ptosis is when the eyelid muscles are not fully developed, thus not able to open without difficulty. we have noticed that Loudon tilts his head back to look at things, as well as raises his eyebrows frequently, both indicators of congenial ptosis. the only means of correction is through surgery. our doctor here has performed this surgery numerous times, but being that Loudon is so young, he has referred us to the Emory Eye Center of Emory Hospital. our doctor did say that the doctors at Emory could decide that Loudon's condition is not severe enough for surgery at this time. if that is the case, we would be able to wait a few years and have the surgery done here when Loudon is a few years older. the doctor did dilate Loudon's eyes to see if this condition has affect his eyesight. thankfully, it has not. we found out yesterday that our appointment with the doctor at Emory is September 14th at 9:00am. at this time, we just ask for your prayers. while surgery seems inevitable, and is the only means that the doctors treat congential ptosis, we know that our all powerful God is in the healing business. we will continue to keep yall updated on this entire journey!

tomorrow

tomorrow has been a day that has been pushed to the back of my mind for some time now. underneath diapers, pieces of fabrics, tears, giggles and burp cloths august 3, 2011 has been buried for the past four months. tomorrow is the day that i kiss my little man goodbye and watch as he begins spending his days without me.

tomorrow i am going back to work.

working in a school has its advantages, one being summer vacation. having a baby the last week in March also has its advantages [taking the rest of the school year off for maternity leave]. i am grateful that i was able to have four months with him. i have been able to hear him laugh for the first time, flip over from his stomach to his back, see him sit up on his own for about 5 seconds at a time, discover his hands, feet, mouth, colors, patterns, and his toys. i am so thankful for the care he will be receiving...one of his grandmothers will take care of him, which is a near perfect situation [the perfect situation being me staying at home with him]. i have been spending the last few days doing little else except be with him.... soaking him in. we read, we play, we laugh, we watch "chicka, chicka, boom boom" video about 20 times a day, we listen to the beatles, and we nap. i guess i have sorta gotten attached to him.

i decided last week i wanted to make him a quilt before i started back to work. i finished it in three days, and i have to say that i am so proud of it. it was my first attempt at machine quilting [i have only ever made tie quilts]. so, i guess you could say that it is technically my first quilt. i was not sure where i was going to go with the colors, but i found this awesome robot flannel print and i knew that this was going to be the foundation for the quilt. anyone who knows me at all knows that i am obsessed with earth tones [browns, greens, oranges]. however, i wanted to pick colors i knew Loudon would love. so far he has loved his quilt [and i measure his love for it by how much he stares at it and drools].

From August 2, 2011

[awesomeness]

From August 2, 2011

[quilt front]

From August 2, 2011

[quilt back]

sleep....or lack thereof...

it has been way to long. i feel as if i said that in my last post as well. i must get better about this. i let life slip away one day at a time and do not make time to share life on here. forgive me. bear with me. life has been tiresome for the past week and a half. i feel as if we have gone backwards and that we are redoing month one all over again. it is hard to find time to shower these days, much less create a blog update. while Loudon has yet to "sleep through the night" [whatever number that really is]... he was sleeping for about 6 hours followed by four more hours [basically waking up once around four am]. my body had adjusted and life was grand. i looked forward to my five or so hours of rest and never once minded getting woken up to that sweet cry. however, last thursday he started waking up every two hours. he never...ever did that...even as a one week old. it got better for a few days....waking up every three hours. however, last night we were up three times. it is tiring. nights have become long again, and therefore i try to grab a little nap here and there during the day [which is also difficult to do]. i am chalking it up to a growth spurt. i hope it's only a growth spurt. this all does have a silver lining. i am so thankful to the Lord that i am able to nurse him at each of these night feedings. for over two months i was giving him a bottle and pumping, however the Lord is so gracious and finally Loudon and i got on the same page with nursing. it has been such a blessing. when push comes to shove.... these few moments with my sweet boy in the darkness of the night.... these moments are so precious and i would not trade them for the world. each feeding is worth it and i am reminded of that everytime he wraps his little arm around my neck while he sucks his thumb.

kendall and i were recently blessed with a new computer from my wonderful parents [my mac was over five years old and the pinwheel of death was commonplace on the screen]. Loudon and i took some pictures on it. this was my favorite:

tomorrow is monday. i know most people experience dread when it comes to even thinking about monday. i am honestly excited. it is like a fresh new start. a chance to accomplish a new set of tasks. chores around the house, blogging, sewing.... these are things that i am looking forward to accomplishing this week. bring. it. on.

vacation

well we had our first vacation as a family of three. i was a bit apprehensive about the 12 hour drive to my parents in virginia with a three month old. we have worked hard to get Loudon on a schedule, and we have found that he thrives off of the consistency. whenever he misses his afternoon nap he sleeps worse that night....so, needless to say, i was scared what he would do being in the car for 12 hours. we decided to spilt up the time going there. we stopped for the night at kendall's uncle's place in Charlotte. although we did not get there till after midnight (combination of not leaving when we wanted and stopping twice for 30 mins each time to feed the baby), it was nice to visit with family for a bit. Loudon was so tired that the transition from car seat to pack-n-play was flawless. we finally got up to my parents house early the next evening. overall, i was impressed with the little guy. a 12 hour trip is not easy for anyone, much less a three month old. time with my family was wonderful. we spent a few days at the beach with some of my extended family. many of them i had not seen since our wedding almost four years ago, and many more of them i had not seen in 10 years. kendall and i were so looking forward to the time at the beach, and it did not disappoint. being that we usually spend time either at the gulf or hilton head, the ocean in maryland was quite a different experience (i grew up going to this beach but had not been there in years and years). the waves were huge and the water was a crisp 67 degrees. it was refreshing, as opposed to the water down here that actually makes you sweat while you are in the water. we were curious as to how Loudon would like the ocean, being that he hates baths and hated the one time he got in a pool. he did surprisingly well! although we only put his feet in, he never cried!

i had my birthday while on vacation. i celebrated by eating oysters on the half shell, buying a pair of earrings from target, and thoroughly enjoyed a dairy queen reeses peanut butter cups ice cream cake.

we decided to leave to come home at 2:30 in the morning. it was the best decision we could have made. Loudon eats about every three hours, so we tried to plan our stops for food, gas, bathroom's on this schedule. it worked out beautifully. we stopped three times to feed and would hit all three things each time. we got home at 2:37 pm....almost 12 hours on the dot. we were so proud of how well he did on his first road trip. while it was a great vacation, it is nice to be home. i love that i feel as if our house is home now. i love that i look forward to coming back here to rest, to relax, to settle, to love on my family, to swing on the front porch, to drink a cup of coffee.

we rounded out our vacation time by celebrating the forth. we swam, we ate good food, we watched fireworks. i was excited about seeing how Loudon would react to fireworks.... he slept. he slept through the booming fireworks. oh well...maybe next year he will enjoy them =).

after my birthday dinner

our little family [excuse the crazy hair]

Loudon's first time in the Atlantic

waiting for fireworks [right before he fell asleep]

best. commercial. ever.

i love this commercial. everything about it. the beauty. the innocence. it stirs something deep in my soul. for all you new mothers out there, all the seasoned mothers, and all of you with the heart of a mother, we are all truly blessed to be able to experience life and love with little ones. they are truly little miracles. praise the Lord.

growth. restoration. change.

while each of these concepts are closely related, growth, restoration, change, they all vary slightly in how they present themselves. i find myself relating to each of these throughout my daily life. i am being faced with the reality of growth, being that next week i will be turning 27. just two weeks ago the Lord reminded me of many promises.... and this remembrance is the catalyst for restoration. in the obvious ways [being a mom], change is something that i have become most familiar with, both unexpected and welcomed. throughout this monday i have found precious examples of each of these.

growth:

[our herbs]

[my son practicing sitting up]

restoration:

[25 dollar craigslist find....before the restoration]

[8 dollar thrift store find...before the transformation]

change:

[my sister-in-law took the mason jars that we gave away as our favors at our wedding four years ago and made them into redneck wine glasses. awesome.]

i am learning to embrace the growth, appreciate the hard work that goes into the restoration, and smile at the changes.

forgive me

please forgive me, for i am long overdue for a new post. i could blame it on my crazy life, the dirty dipers, the hungry husband, but i will actually blame it on my camera. i have been meaning to post pictures of the baby shower gift. my nice digital camera [gift from my wonderful father] has been giving me some problems [by problems i mean not working]. i am usually really good with technology [not meaning to brag, but i am a media specialist=)], but this was giving me the run around. the last time i used it i depleted the batteries. so i charged them up, put them in the camera. nothing. so i charged some others i had, put them in. nothing. i went to walmart, bought a brand new charger and batteries, charged them, put them in the camera. nothing. charged the old batteries in the new charger. nothing. new batteries in the old charger. nothing. well tonight i sat down to finally write this post and tried one more time [old batteries]. worked...finally. i will chalk it up to this....i blew out the space where the batteries go [high tech...right]. i was able to take reasonable pictures of my latest projects and now now, a week later, posting these pictures.

here is the gift i gave to my friend last weekend. she is having a little girl and the bedding is this cute pink and red flowered print. i made a matching car seat cover and changing pad/diaper/wipe holder. [excuse these pictures...they were taken with my little point and shoot, being that my other camera was inoperable *see above paragraph if you missed this]

[the final package]

the diaper/wipes holder opens up to a changing pad [it has the flower on it]. the car seat cover attaches onto the car seat handle. i received one of these and fell in love. [again sorry about these terrible pictures]

here are a few projects i did this week:

I found this pillow online and had to make it. this blog has recently become one of my favs:

Cluck Cluck Sew

a summer tote. it is large and just perfect for all my junk [well actually only about 20% of what i carry around with me is mine...the rest is for the baby]. i loosely followed this pattern:

Summer Tote

i am sorta obsessed with this flower. i found a tutorial online and have been going crazy. this was my first flower. trust me there will be plenty more to come.

i made my first craigslist purchase this week. i found an antique dresser for 25 dollars! although one of the legs is broken, it was still worth the money. i have grand ideas for the dresser and am thrilled to get started on that project. before pictures will be up soon [as long as the batteries cooperate]. i also bought an end table at a local thrift store today. 9 dollars with tax. i love good deals.

tomorrow our baby will be 12 weeks old. wow. it just seems like yesterday i laid eyes on him for the first time. we recorded his birth, and i am so thankful for having that moment on record [ it is tastefully done....PG rated]. i love watching it. i love that i will always be able to remember. i love that i will always remember my first words after he was born "thank you Jesus". it is so special

12 weeks ago

today: he found his feet. he sat there for maybe 20 minutes wiggling his feet and staring at them. he realized that he was the one moving them. i love watching him learn and grow.... best part of my day.

saturday

preface: this post will not be in the usual font that comprises the rest of my blog. it is late....i should be asleep... i can't figure out what is going on....i don't care.

while we had such a busy day today [i think Loudon and i spent a total of three hours at home today], it was nice to spend time with friends and family. this morning was spent at a friend's baby shower. i handmade her presents [i will put pictures up tomorrow]. it was so refreshing to spend some time creating something for someone. i love being behind my sewing machine.

the afternoon was spent with family [kendall's sister and her boyfriend]. the conversation was rich and incredibly pleasant.

this evening was spent at a healing prayer service our church just began last week. you know when you hear a message and you are thinking "ok God, i get it, you are totally speaking directly to me"...yeah that happened tonight. i listened, i prayed, i cried. it was such a beautiful evening. the thunder and rain outside added to the refreshing environment of prayer and fellowship inside. the Lord gave to me Psalm 66. the last part is my favorite:

Come and hear, all you who fear God,

and I will tell what he has done for my soul.

I cried to him with my mouth,

and high praise was on my tongue.

If I had cherished iniquity in my heart,

the Lord would not have listened.

But truly God has listened;

he has attended to the voice of my prayer.

Blessed be God,

because he has not rejected my prayer

or removed his steadfast love from me!

God is so good...even in the midst of struggle. he is teaching me to believe and not to fear. to choose faith and not so easily listen to lies. i fear way too much, but He still loves me and is so patient and willing to walk through this struggle with me. i love my daddy.

you know how music makes the mood for a moment. well, as we were driving to dinner after the prayer service, this song made my drive. the air was crisp and everything just felt alive after receiving some much needed rain. the sun was setting and the smell of the earth was so invigorating. i had to drive with the windows down. Loudon was in the back just cooing away. anyways, this was the song that made the drive. i saw this band a few months ago and have recently gotten into their cd. enjoy:

dinner, which began around 8:45pm was the perfect ending to this saturday. a handful of my friends went and enjoyed some incredible sushi [this is the one thing i missed the most while being pregnant. i am so thankful that it is back in my life]. we had a hilarious waitress who adored Loudon [i mean who doesn't?] kendall and i spilt 45 pieces. yes, you read that right. we love us some sushi. furthermore, don't get in the way of a nursing mommy and food [totally serious...have any of you seen me eat lately?....scary]. after our bedtime routine...Loudon was out as soon as his head hit the mattress and kendall and i settled onto the couch. the karate kid was on tv [one of kendall's favorite movies]. i admitted i had never seen it [not on purpose...just so happened i made it 26 years without ever catching it]. i planned on heading to bed myself about an hour ago, so we dvr-ed it [however, i am still awake....blogging]. i plan on watching it tomorrow, as well as posting some pictures of the baby shower gifts i made and my incredibly precious son.

the good, the bad, and the ugly

the good:

two weeks ago my sister, Loudon, and I took a trip to Angel's Antiques in Opelika, AL. i saw this clock and fell in love with it. jaima, my sister, convinced me to get it. when i am about to make any sort of purchase i ask myself "am i going to regret not getting this?" if the answer is even 25% yes, i go for it. i love the colors, the design, and the feel of this clock. for 17.00 dollars i am very pleased with the purchase. i haven't decided where to put it in the house yet, but it is on my list to get done this week.

the bad:

while this is maybe one of my favorite pictures of Loudon to date, it seems as if he was having a bad moment. i love that bottom lip. he is a pro at sticking that thing out, and i secretly love it everytime, even though i know that it means he is not happy about something (i sorta feel bad about that). we took our first road trip this weekend up to atlanta to visit some of kendall's family. loudon's aunt kk is holding him here. he had just spit up on her and we were laughing about it. obviously he was embarrassed and not appreciative at our laughter.

the ugly:

we had our two month check up last week. to be honest, i was a bit nervous. we have had feeding issues and sometimes i wonder if he has been getting enough milk from me. i was scared that the pediatrician would not be happy with Loudon's weight gain or something. i hear of infants younger than Loudon weighing over 12 pounds or something and i wonder "should he be that big?". well, he weighed in at 11 pounds 2 ounces, two whole pounds bigger than his birth weight. the doctor was very pleased with that and all was well. then came the shots. those nurses have it down to a science. they get on each side and poke at the same time. everything is over in less than 15 seconds. well, he cried. i held him and kissed him and by the time we were in the car, he was asleep. the worst part was taking the band-aids off. they were cute snoopy ones, and taking them off meant I was the bad guy who was going to make him cry. i ripped the first one off. he looked at me for a second, then that precious bottom lip came out and then the crying. then we repeated two more times. i hated seeing him in pain, but i knew that it would be short-lived. while i have only been a parent for 10 weeks....God, the father, has shown me so much about his heart for me, his daughter. each day, in multiple circumstances, he reveals a little morsel of his character to me. he cares for me, for us, so much... so much more than i care about my little boy....wow.

evenings

its 11:05 pm. the dishwasher is slowly lulling me into sleep. i have come to cherish these few moments of the day when the kitchen is finally clean and all of my boys are nestled in their beds dreaming away. the first few weeks of life with Loudon i dreaded nighttime. i knew the night would be comprised of trying to nurse, failing, bottle feeding a screaming child, pumping, boiling and sanitizing pump parts, trying to get him back to sleep, trying to sleep myself, and then waking up an hour and a half later to do it all over again. when Loudon would cry, i would cry. everyone said it would get better, but i had a very difficult time seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. it finally came, about two weeks ago. while some days are still difficult, i am able to see the beauty of life again. these days, i shed tears over how precious my son is, how he looks in my eyes and smiles for me because i am his mother. these days, i no longer dread the nighttime, but enjoy the serenity and peace in the stillness and quiet.

i watched an episode of a baby story today. i cry everytime the baby is placed in the mother's arms. i love remembering that moment. i love remembering the labor and delivery that i had. while i was in labor for 16 hours, and i delivered a 9 pound 2 ounce baby naturally, it was absolutely perfect. i am so thankful to the Lord for the beauty of it all.... labor, pain, life, tears, and in the end, smilies.

the beginning

so... this is the beginning of my blogging life. i know that i am jumping on this bandwagon far behind most of the social world, however i feel as if i finally have something to share with others. seven and a half weeks ago my life completely changed...my son, Loudon David, was brought into this world. since that incredible experience, my days and nights have been filled with more tears, more joy, and more creativity than ever before. so here i sit, sleeping baby in arms, wanting to share the stories, the tears, the projects, and the joy with all of you.

[playing around with photo booth for the first time]